on newness.

April 5, 2015


Last week as I ran past the lake, I could see the start of something.  The snow cliffs were melting, the water was moving, and there was sunlight dancing on the waves.  Things were shifting.

This week, as I ran past, there was even more moving water and my bare legs welcomed the brisk air but warm sun.  Something is on the horizon.  The seasons are changing.

I love the literal and metaphorical shift of the seasons.  After another torturously long winter, Spring is upon us.  There are signs of it everywhere …

It is in the longer hours of daylight, and the feeling that we have more time.

It is in the chirping of ‘birdies’ as Leo points up in the sky with wonder.

It is in the buds sprouting in my dear friends garden, as she scours with hope for what beauty is to come.

It is all around us. A literal shift of the seasons. Newness. Rebirth. Resurrection.

Winter was rough. It typically is. But this one brought challenges beyond the dreary, cold, darkness that comes with the season.  This winter was hard on my body, but also really hard on my heart. I experienced deep pain. Not that pain is foreign to me, but this pain was different, it was a new kind of hurt that I didn’t have words for, or tools to deal with.

I speak of this pain without specifics because I still do not know how to share it fully … but please know that the details are personal and I am not trying to be cryptic or build hype, I’m just trying to guard my heart and use discretion.  I hope you can hear my vulnerability through processing what I am learning without needing to hear the details.

I’ve spent the cold months doing hard work.  Going to counseling. Having difficult conversations. Making tough calls for my life and our family.  A lot of this season has felt exhausting and stretching and my emotional muscles are sore.

But all seasons come to an end.  And yet, when I am in the thigh high snow, both physically and emotionally, it is hard to remember that this too shall pass.

But it does. And it is.

I  find signs of this metaphorical season shift everywhere…

It is when I host a house full of people and realize I feel full and myself.

It is when I can say how I feel without apologizing or qualifying every thing first.

It is when I can look in the mirror and see more of me and less of the lies.

The physical Spring is coming, praise the Lord! But I also sense that Spring is welling up in my soul, and for that I am abundantly thankful.

I do not think it is coincidence that this season shift coincides with Easter.  A time that we remember Jesus, and the HOPE he offers in the Resurrection.

In this season of rebirth and newness I am choosing to cling to hope. I am choosing to bask in the sunlight and feel the warmth surround me. I am choosing to be a bud that longs for the water and light that will nourish it, grow it, and bring it to beautiful fullness.

“Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.” -S.D. Gordon


Praying you’re basking in the warmth of the sun and the beauty of new life with me!


1 Comment

  • Reply Jan Palmer April 5, 2015 at 8:28 pm

    Jess, how eloquent you are in describing your feelings. I know all of us have different seasons in life. We feel different, relate to others in a new way and do a lot of self-analysis. I applaud you for being so vulnerable as you write but appreciate every word you utter! Blessings and hugs sent on this Easter Sunday as we sing Hallelujah to Our Lord and Savior!!!

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