March 2015

The other day, my dear friend, who is also a pastor but not the one that typically preaches, got up in front of her church and bared her soul.  She told her story.  But not just a chronological recap of her life, she told a specific story. The most difficult, tragic time in her life.  A time when she suffered deeply, and lost way too much… but gained the gift of joy in the midst of suffering that only few really grasp, especially at our young age.  Living through this suffering and coming out stronger and better would have been more than enough, and yet she chooses to use her story to help other people.  She listens, she shares truth, and she sits in her own story and with others in their story.  It’s really amazing and beautiful and she is one of my heros.  (and a side note, she is going to hate that I’m gushing about her on my blog.  but I can’t give her the huge hug filled with pride that I want to because she lives out of state, so here you go my friend!)

Although I could write for hours about her specific story and the details of what she walked through, it is not my story to tell. But hearing her describe it again, even though I witnessed all of it, reminded me of a very important lesson I learned about being present in suffering.

I walked through that season with her.  As a really unequipped friend.  Often fumbling and probably dropping the ball … but I did the only thing that I knew how to do: I loved her really really hard! Most days this meant just being me and letting her be her.  I know that sounds simple, but at times when someone is suffering you want to do or fix or say of solve or advise or inspire.  Just don’t.  Don’t do.  Instead, just be.  Be yourself. Let them be themselves, whether that is happy or pissed off or tired or encouraged.  Just. Be. Together.

Today, as I read through my usual blogs, I sensed this overwhelming theme of really crappy things happening to really amazing people.  I read about the tragic death of a 30 something brilliant neurosurgeon as he lost his battle to lung cancer.  I read about a sweet momma who lost her baby boy before she even got to celebrate his first birthday and now she is trying to graciously and honestly grieve. I read about divided marriages and women struggling with body image issues. I read about exhausted mom’s of littles, who are barely holding it together.

When I think about the people in my life, in my circle … there is no absence of suffering.  Really crappy, unexplainable things happen.  It hurts, it is confusing and frustrating and can shake us to the core.

And then I was brought back to this beautiful lesson I learned while witnessing deep suffering:  You cannot escape or change the fact that the suffering exists, but you can choose to be.  To be in it.  With each other.

I shouldn’t be surprised by our need for each other.  I am admittedly a needy person.  I love people. I love touch. I love being surrounded and belonging. (Don’t we all crave this though, to an extent?).

But, man, no matter how needy you think you are or aren’t … wake up call: WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER.

My above mentioned friend was very sure she was not needy at all before experiencing this deep suffering that she walked through … and now, on the other side of it, she laughs and says, “I’m okay with being ‘needy.’  I’m okay with the fact that I need certain things at certain times from my people.” This is brilliant!

We need each other.  We cannot escape that just as much as we cannot escape the reality that we suffer at times in this life.  The only silver lining to suffering is that is makes us more aware of our need for Jesus and our need for OUR people.  Not all people, but the people that are ours’s and we are there’s.

Currently, I am not in the throws of deep despair.  I am so thankful to say we are in a season filled with so much hope and anticipation for the future, although not absent of challenges. In this season of good things, there are also things that hurt.  There are things that weigh on me, struggles that consume me, insecurities that haunt me.  Even though I wouldn’t catalog myself in a season of suffering, I still suffer from the typical woes of living.

After a morning of losing my temper, and feeling insecure and trapped inside my head, I reached out to one of my people.  We ran in the sun, and talked, and hugged (some of life’s sweetest things in my opinion), and after I got home, I felt lighter.  Just from being with someone.  Someone I care about and who cares about me.  She didn’t have advice or inspirational montras or answers … but she was just with me.  She was she and I was me. And it was good.

So whether it is deep tragedy or just a trying day, let’s commit to learning what it looks like to just BE.  Be ourselves. Be with others.  There is something so beautiful that takes place when we can be with one another. A peace and rest for the soul.

and I want more.

How can we ‘be’ together?