Women.

The name for this space, ‘the female collective,’ came to me in 2011. 7 years ago. I was 25 years old and full of dreams and ideas and I had this deep desire to create a space to celebrate womanhood.

I wanted this space to be inclusive. To share stories. To be light, and to be heavy. To be funny, and to be sad. I wanted a space for females to unite, and I wanted my words to empower all kinds of women. As a 25 year old I was only a few years into marriage and post undergrad, without any children at the time. I didn’t exactly know the fullness of womanhood, or the deep power that I know it to be now and the cultural climate was so different at the time. But in the most precious, most honest part of my heart, I knew I was built to celebrate women and to bring truth and grace to our journey. Both the individual journey and the collective one. Thus “The Female Collective” was born in my heart.

Flash forward 7 years. 2018. Mother of two sons, about to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary, taking a hiatus from being a pastor to be a stay at home mom, and teaching group exercise classes at the local YMCA. The landscape of my life looks vastly different than I expected. In almost every way (besides my sweet Hubs, I knew he was a keeper from the moment I laid eyes on him), I am so different than I expected. Motherhood has changed me. Working as a full time pastor has changed me. Staying home with my boys has changed me. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety. I’ve struggled to get pregnant. I’ve had a miscarriage.

Our culture has changed significantly as well. With the possibility of a female president being so close we could taste it. To the reality of who did win that election and how polarizing that event has been for our country. Then the rise of a woman’s voice through the Women’s March and the Me Too and Times Up movements. Times are changing and shifting and evolving and it is more apparent than ever that women are a force to be reckoned with. This was always true, but it feels we may finally be on the cusp of getting the traction we so greatly deserve and have worked so hard for.

And then there is me. Anonymous me. Stay at home mom in a small midwestern town. Most days, I feel invisible to anyone besides my boys. And I’m not saying that is a bad thing, because they are the most treasured humans in my world. But there are all of these thoughts, feelings, ideas, and dreams that have been living somewhere in me, below the surface… to terrified to come into the light. It is the joy of my life to take care of my kids and give them my attention and time and energy. But if I’m being honest, it’s not enough. I need more. I have more. More to give, more to share. More to BE.

All day long, I’ve read this quote on various social media outlets:
“Strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.”

I haven’t been able to shake these words. They are powerful and beautiful and also not passive at all. They call us to action. They aren’t just a nice idea, but a charge to see, be, and inspire.

I know so many strong women. Women that empower me. Women that build me up. Women that see me and love me and push me to be more.

I am committed to raising strong women. Although I do not have daughters, I have two boys who are being raised to love and respect strong women. To celebrate strong women. To advocate for equality.

But I had to stop and ask myself several times today if I am BEING a strong woman? I know I am strong. I know many would say they see me in this lane. And yet, I haven’t felt very strong for quite some time. You see, I know exactly who I want to be and exactly what I want to do… which is a gift in and of itself. An yet, I haven’t been doing it. I haven’t been writing, I haven’t been pursuing the deepest desires of my heart, I haven’t been honoring who I know I am built to be. If I’m not doing those things, how I am showing my boys what it truly means to be strong? I’m hiding from the very thing that gives me life, strength, and energy: my passion; this space.

So today, of all days, on International Women’s Day, I am restarting The Female Collective.

I’m saying no to fear, and yes to me. I’m saying no to hiding and yes to courage. I saying no to lies and yes to truth. Whether one person reads this or many … I need to do me. And I can’t do me without giving my all to this dream.

Thank you for reading, and please send me all the love and courage you can. I don’t want to take a passive posture in my life any longer. And I challenge you to do the same. Find you’re thing and go after it. Let’s do this together.