May 2015

Happy Mother’s Day to all you amazing momma’s out there.  It is one heck of a ride doing this whole raising a human thing … hardest and best experience we’ll ever have.

I know today means a lot of different things for a lot of different people.  Which is fitting because although there is commonality in the term ‘mother,’ the way this role looks and feels is unique to each one of us.

Some of you have lost a mother, and you’re missing her today.  Some of you hope to become a mother, and you’re longing and aching for an unrealized dream. Some of you are grieving the loss of a child, a pain I cannot begin to know, and you are wishing for that little one in your arms on this day (and everyday).

Some of you are tired, caring for a newborn who demands all of your body and energy.  Some of you are frustrated trying to raise a toddler, and keep up with the chaos of a tiny human who has more energy than I could ever have imagined (obviously, this is close to home).  Some of you are raising school age kids and juggling schedules and practices and social lives.  Some of you are raising teenagers and trying to harness hormones and emotions into a well rounded individual.  Some of you are empty nesters, missing you’re kids as they are establishing their own lives.  Some of you are experiencing the joy of watching your children become parents, and raise their family.

Whatever season you’re in, we are all profoundly impacted by this role, this person: mom.

I have friends who conceive babies just thinking about getting pregnant. I have friends who have walked the journey of IVF to begin their family, I have friends who’s babies were born in Africa and I have friends longing to have a baby.

I have friends who work full time, and part-time, ones who stay home, and some are single mommas.

and to all of you, I just want to say, thank you.  Thank you so much for how much you’re doing to raise the children God entrusted to you.  Thank you for being an example, an encourager, a listener, a companion … thank you for helping me be a momma, and raise my child, and thank you for grace.

Although, at times we do not lead with grace, I am sometimes guilty of this myself, but GRACE is what we really need.

We can be so critical.  Because we’re insecure, or tired, or jealous, or just having a bad day and haven’t had any coffee yet.

We all do this mom stuff differently, and we should.  We have unique experiences that have shaped us, and all of our children are unique as well … so it needs to look different.

But as different as we are, we can all understand the heavy honor is it to bare the name ‘Mom.’ The amazing, exhausting, joy giving title that we are privileged to hold.

So on this Mother’s Day, give some grace to those momma’s you know and love, and even the ones you don’t know. Less judgement, more understanding. Less advice, more listening. Less comparison, more celebration.

Just Grace.

(and make sure to tell your husbands to call their Mommas!  Those amazing men we married are, in part, that way because they had a mom who loved them like we love our own littles.)

My sweet Leo boy is 20 months old today.  To celebrate, he and I had a picnic at the play ground and spent the afternoon climbing and swinging and sliding.  It was sunny and we ate an entire carton of raspberries together.  It was really perfect.

You know that feeling when you are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing?

In my experience, it is a rare feeling.

I’ve found it is not typically something I plan to feel.  It actually creeps up on me.  I may have had other ideas of how things would look in certain seasons.  Or I may put a lot of hype on specific events or experiences.  And yet, out of no where, right in the middle of normal life, every so often I feel it: all is right. Not, all is perfect. But things are just really really good.

This feeling is the opposite to discontent, but not superior to it.  If we did not feel discontent at times, how would we be driven to dive deep and figure out what the source is, and consequently, make positive change (hopefully). But this fore-mentioned feeling is a beautiful treat we get to taste from time to time, it is what I like to call, the “sweet spot.”  I’m not always in it, but when I am, it is so so sweet.

I felt this before, when I was an intern at my home church, learning from my peers who gave me more grace and truth than I deserved. I was a sponge soaking it all up, and it was full and sweet.

I felt it in my early years of marriage, when we were risking big, and working hard and loving our community deeply.  Our house was always open, and filled with food and people we love.  I still linger in the memory of this sweetness.

I felt it in our first summer back in Michigan, when we were living in the most humble of places since we’ve been married (my grandmothers mobile home!!!) and we were dreaming big about the life that we’d build here. It was so sweet to feel like the world was our oyster on those warm beach-filled days.

Do you know what I’m talking about?  Call it what you’d like … but there are just those seasons or even moments when life hits you and you think: “WOW, I am totally in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. This is my sweet spot.”

This doesn’t mean everything outside of the sweet spot isn’t sweet, by the way.  It does not mean that you’re either in your bliss or you’re miserably discontent. I does not mean that really meaningful and special things can’t take place outside of this season or that the work your doing/the people your loving matter less because you don’t ‘feel’ you’re in your sweetest of sweet.

I’m simply saying that for me, a FEELER through and through, there are these snippets of euphoria as we walk our journey, and they are like little gold nuggets you find amongst the stones.  They are rare gifts that help add some sparkle to the everyday landscape.  They are to be treasured, but not pedastal-ized. Not propped up so we can compare everything to them, feeling like we aren’t living in between the gold nuggets.  They are sources of inspiration to keep running the race well, and with a full heart.

I’ve been home with Leo full time for 2 months.  And, honestly, I was terrified that after 2 weeks I would be like: What the hell was I thinking? Why did I leave a super rewarding job, with people I love to be with a spirited and sometimes thick headed toddler? Did I, the extreme extroverted, lose my ever loving mind?! What do I do?

Well, if it was the case, I would have figured it out.  It is totally acceptable to choose something and then realize it is not going to be the best for you, or it is different than you expected.  Like I’ve said before, just do what you feel is best for you and your family, and honors who Jesus built you to be.

But as I rocked my little boy to sleep for his nap today, I was consumed with a deep sense of joy and peace, and just like that, I find myself in a “Sweet Spot.”

Let me clarify, sweet spot does not mean this stuff isn’t HARD.  I’m more physically exhausted at the end of the day/week than I’ve ever been.  Leo is busy and curious and stubborn… but so am I, and sometimes we do not see eye to eye.  ALSO, I’ve always prided myself with saying ‘I have no personal space’ … WRONG, a clingy, touch oriented toddler has taught me otherwise. I do have personal space, and I didn’t know it until I had a one year old crawling up my legs for days (okay, maybe hours, but feels like a weeks worth sometimes).

But all in all, I am on cloud nine.  I have so much peace in my soul about doing what I’m doing. It is right for me. Not for everyone, and not necessarily forever for me, but right now: this is it.

I spend my days playing with blocks, and picking up sticks.  I clean the house and change diapers. I stop on my running route whenever we see a tractor or truck or any other large/loud motor vehicle, because my little companion is mesmerized by them.  I am seeing the world through the eyes of a one year old boy … and can I just say, it is DREAMY!

I understand that I am abundantly blessed to 1. feel this way, and 2. have the opportunity to stay home. I know it is a gift, and I am doing my very best to soak it all in. God is so good and He has given me purpose and joy and a sense of deep peace through the precious little boy that is entrusted to my care for this blink of a season.

This was my long winded/over-commincator’s way of saying: we’re doing pretty good over here.

I know it won’t always feel this sweet, but right now it does. So I am savoring the smell of Leo’s skin, the rest I see in Casper as a result of my staying home, and the overall peace and excitement I feel as I get to be a mom and aspiring writer.  I didn’t know this was my dream, but it is, and I am basking in the sweetness.

For all my momma friends out there, I want to say: you’re doing awesome.  I know you may not feel like you’re in a sweet spot.  You may be fumbling with a new babies feeding schedule, or trying to find your footing with managing a career and your family, or you just feel a lack of joy in the act of ‘mothering’ in this season.  All of this is okay.  But whatever it looks like today, I want to say, you’re doing a great job. Momma’s, these long days add up to be very short years and there are so many gold nuggets to gather along the way.  Slow down long enough to see them on your path.

I pray each of you find your sweet spots, linger in them, give thanks for them and keep running well in between.  This life is so so rich.