(I wrote this on 9/17/14. Just after Leo’s first birthday. This week has been one of those where I constantly am stopped in my tracks by how fast my sweet boy is growing. I’m feeling nostalgic so it seem apropos to share something I wrote several months back, before this blog even started. This topic is super close to my heart, and it is interesting how this theme of vulnerability has been simmering within me for some time. I hope you can resonate with even a small part of this.)
Leo fell last night. Not just an, “I’m learning to walk almost, but still am all wobbly” kind of fall, it was actually a ‘dramatic, I may have to take my kid to the hospital,’ kind of fall. One second I’m feeding him hard boiled egg bits, talking with friends, thinking about how surprised I am that he loves hard boiled egg bits and then in a flash, SMACK! My teeny tiny baby (okay, my little one year old who still seems like a teeny tiny baby to me), is face first on the floor, in a bumbo seat, that was just a second before sitting next to me on a bench and now he is: On. The. floor. SHOOT! I hop up at lightning speed, somehow get the bumbo tray off faster than I knew was possible, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! Leo is in my arms within seconds. Weeping! Tears rolling down both of our faces, sheer terror running through my mind … is he broken? I try to examine him while consoling him. I’m also trying to hold it together even though I want to cry as hard as he is. How did this happen? So quickly? Am I a bad mom? Does he have a concussion? Should I go to the ER? A million thoughts run through my head. Guilt and fear coupled with a desire to be strong and brave. Continue Reading…
