The Female Collective

On being fragile.

January 30, 2015

(I wrote this on 9/17/14. Just after Leo’s first birthday. This week has been one of those where I constantly am stopped in my tracks by how fast my sweet boy is growing. I’m feeling nostalgic so it seem apropos to share something I wrote several months back, before this blog even started. This topic is super close to my heart, and it is interesting how this theme of vulnerability has been simmering within me for some time. I hope you can resonate with even a small part of this.)

Leo fell last night. Not just an, “I’m learning to walk almost, but still am all wobbly” kind of fall, it was actually a ‘dramatic, I may have to take my kid to the hospital,’ kind of fall. One second I’m feeding him hard boiled egg bits, talking with friends, thinking about how surprised I am that he loves hard boiled egg bits and then in a flash, SMACK! My teeny tiny baby (okay, my little one year old who still seems like a teeny tiny baby to me), is face first on the floor, in a bumbo seat, that was just a second before sitting next to me on a bench and now he is: On. The. floor. SHOOT! I hop up at lightning speed, somehow get the bumbo tray off faster than I knew was possible, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! Leo is in my arms within seconds. Weeping! Tears rolling down both of our faces, sheer terror running through my mind … is he broken? I try to examine him while consoling him. I’m also trying to hold it together even though I want to cry as hard as he is. How did this happen? So quickly? Am I a bad mom? Does he have a concussion? Should I go to the ER? A million thoughts run through my head. Guilt and fear coupled with a desire to be strong and brave. Continue Reading…

collective, Featured

on truth or dare.

January 24, 2015

facing fear. rock climbing in KY. 2012.

“Truth or Dare?”

Remember that game? I spent countless hours of my childhood, sitting in a circle with my other girlfriends, late at night, eating Doritos and playing truth or dare.

What did you pick? Did have a default answer?

Mine was DARE. Almost always I chose dare. Unless I had something that I really wanted to be forced to confess, I went for the adventure. It was dangerous and a gamble, what were they going to make me do? Run around in the snow with no shoes on? Chug Coke until I puked? Call my boy crush and wait till he answered before I hung up? Whatever the challenge, I typically went for it. Truth seemed like the boring choice. The safe and calculated choice. That was not how I wanted to be perceived, even as a kid.

If we were to play that game now, as adults, what would we choose? Continue Reading…

collective, Lifestyle

On thank you notes and other grown up things.

January 10, 2015

How is everyone doing with the fresh start of 2015? We are now just over a week in and this would typically be the time when people begin to fall back into the old rhythms, habits, and routines. Are you?

As I stated in a previous post, this year is different. I’m never too crazy about making resolutions, but the start of this year came with a deep sense of anticipation that I have never experienced.

I need newness. We all do, really. This year is the year of JOY and new life! And I am bound and determined to stick with it! Whatever your goals and aspirations may be, I encourage you to join me in holding onto the hope of a new year and all that is in front of us. Continue Reading…

Featured

on joy.

January 3, 2015

Does anyone else have the “post-Christmas blues?” I may be alone in this but I have a creeping suspicion that many of you share with me in this sense of sadness that another Christmas has come and gone.

I love this time of year. I love the anticipation. I love the hustle and bustle. I love fact that you can wear gold sparkly nail polish and it is considered festive.

Truly, it IS the most wonderful time of the year for so many reasons.

Families gather around tables, new faces come through the doors of our church, strangers seem to be kinder to one another, and there is an overwhelming sense of joy surrounding all that we do.

That joy really is the best part.

Featured, Motherhood

On growing pains.

December 5, 2014

I am the baby in my family. Obviously, this means I am the youngest, but it also means that I am the baby! I suppose one could be the youngest without being the baby, I even know some who have pulled this off, but not this girl. And truthfully, I don’t mind one bit.

This birth order role plays out several ways. I assume some of you are currently applying stereotypes and presuppositions to me, and I’ll never be credible again. Shoot. Blew it.

In seriousness though, I believe my familial position has informed a lot of how I process and grow. And as much as I hate to say it, I feel like it has made some growing pains a little more painful.

Lifestyle

on SAD.

November 21, 2014

Please allow me to qualify something: I have seasonal affective disorder, also known as SAD. It’s a thing. A real thing. I know a lot of us are not fans of the snow, and the cold, and the early sunsets … it can wear on anyone. But those with SAD understand that the dreary and cloudy skies of winter are accompanied by figuratively cloudy skies in ones mind and heart that linger through these months of less sunshine. Continue Reading…

Featured

on a funk.

November 14, 2014

This week, I was in a FUNK! You know, the ‘nothing is actually wrong, but I just feel off and especially cranky,’ kind of funk. Maybe it is the snow, or the plague of viruses surrounding everyone, or the fact that it gets dark so early, but all of this caused me to be quite the crank. After three days of not being a super pleasant person to be around (sorry, Casper!) I decided I needed to shake it off! So I …

Featured

On highs and lows.

November 7, 2014

This week has not been bad, but is hasn’t been good. It just is what it is. I actually barely remember what the week consisted of because it feels like a blur. A blur of stuffy noses, work meetings, vacuuming, Casper traveling, grocery shopping, and Leo chasing. You know, the normal life stuff; a neutral week that started and ended without many highs or lows.

The problem with this: I love highs and lows. I love looking back on my days and remembering the moments that stand out. Continue Reading…

Featured, Lifestyle

On discontentment.

October 31, 2014

(Note: I am in the woods with this topic –figuratively speaking, of course. So bare with me while I externally process, and please feel free to engage in the conversation.)

Whether we’d like to admit it our not, in some way, shape or form, we all struggle with discontentment. It may not be an ‘all the time’ struggle, and it may not weigh as heavy as other burdens, but I believe we can resonate on some level with the feeling of not being content in our present circumstances.

I am in it right now. And I feel like a jerk for saying this. Because I have so much! So, SO much! I believe though, that we can simultaneously be thankful for what we have, and still feel this dull hum of unsettledness in the pit of our guts.